TRAPPED: BREAKING FREE - BOOK 1 Page 12

  I cannot move, I am in absolute fits of uncontrollable laughter, Lottie is cursing like a sailor and trying to push herself off of me in to a seated position.

  Oh god, I need a wee, and Lottie is really not helping my bladder any by making a fool of herself in a bin full of now squished cardboard.

  “You bitch, stop laughing and help me up!” She tries to order, with a face full of my stomach.

  Bet she wishes she had picked clothes with more coverage now, it’s her own fault she is up close and personal with my probably sweaty abs from laughing so hard.

  I can’t help her, I have had to place my hands over my face to muffle the chuckling, I’m snorting and everything.

  After what feels like forever for my poor aching ribs, I manage to sit up and drag Lottie in to a seated position with me, totally amused at her over exagerated huffing and puffing.

  It’s a few carboard boxes, but with the way she is going on, anyone would think she had just run the marathon.

  “I’m a robot.” What the bloody hell is she going on about now?

  I look to my side and can just about make out a floating cardboard box amongst the recycling.

  Lottie, being her typical loser self has a box on her head, has buried herself between cardboard and other bits of recycling, and is talking in a robotic voice as if she actually is one.

  I just stare at the box, mystified as to what goes through that girls head. That’s a move my five year old, Alex would pull.

  “Yeah, and how’s that working out for you?”

  I look about the bin, ignoring the drunken idiot in the corner, trying to work out the safest place to attempt to climb out of.

  I start wading through the recycling and pull myself to the edge, lifting my legs so they stand on the ridge just below the top.

  I swing my leg over, struggling to lift my body over the edge and jump down, landing on solid ground once again.

  I breathe a sigh of relief.

  Now I can get the bottle of alcohol that Lottie was so desperate for, that she had us going on this wild goose chase for, and can get back to hers and have a good stiff drink.

  I’m approaching Lottie’s car, spotting the blue carrier bag standing next to the drivers side door.

  From what I can make out of the neck of the bottle sticking out the top of the bag, it looks to be Sambuca.

  That girl knows me like the back of her hand, I bloody love Sambucca.

  Hearing a sexy rumble of an engine, I turn on my heel, just in time to catch a very sleek, silver Aston Martin DB9 slowing down to crawl past me.

  I face away, locating the forgotten alcohol and pick it up before rushing back to Lottie. I don’t even think the next series of events through.

  I throw the booze over the edge of the bin, and hastly climb up and over the side to join the sambuca and my friend. I duck down, worrying I am being scouted out by some mad man and his sexy car.

  I am being completely irrational, but why the hell would someone driving a car like that slow down to look at me?

  It makes no sense.

  I don’t know anyone here, except for Lottie and Ryan, unless it’s someone Dan knows.

  OH crapolla! Oh fuck! Oh shit!

  If someone who knows Dan has spotted me dressed like this, away from home, then I have practically signed my death warrant.

  After last night, there is not a hope in hell he will let this slide without serious punishment.

  I feel physically sick to my stomach, the cocktails swirling around inside.

  My eyes are watering and my mouth is salivating.

  I sit up, ever so slowly and locate Lottie.

  She is staring at me, completely bewildered at my actions, and if I’m honest, I am too. Who on earth charges for a recycling bin and throws themself over the edge? Obviously this twat over here would!

  “What the bloody hell has crawled up your arse? I have never seen anything quite like that. I think I just pulled a muscle in my lady parts from just watching you. I’m in shock at how far apart you split your legs before swinging the other one round to join it. Wow, just wow!” Come to think of it, I can feel a twinge building in my groin area.

  Trust me to act like a crazed woman and quite possibly pull a muscle in the process. “Here, take a swig of this!” Lottie thrusts the now opened bottle of sambuca at me, but not before taking a swig herself.

  I shrug hopelessly, still huffing and puffing from my adrenaline fueled excursion. “Nothing, honest nothing. I’m fine, I just got a bit spooked, that’s all.” I shake my head at myself, taking a big mouthfull of Sambuca and swallowing.

  There has to come a point when I stop having panic attacks at the thought of Dan, I am so sick of being controlled and living in sheer terror alone.

  I savour the slight burn from the liquorice flavored drink, allowing it to work it’s magic.

  I start to feel looser already, the alcohol having it’s desired effect and making me feel more at ease.

  I hear the code being entered in to the keypad beside the bin, and go silent, shh’ing Lottie and sinking down inside the bin.

  After a few moments we hear the clank of a gate closing followed by the murmor of male voices retreating inside the elevator.

  Lottie leans over and snatches the bottle, spilling a few drops in the process. She gives me a lopsided grin and downs a few mouthfulls.

  I giggle at her eagerness to get drunk, she always knows how to make me feel better, I feel a rush of affection for my best friend and throw myself at her, hugging her as tight as I can. I don’t know what I’d do without her.

  “Ahhh, get off get off! Sambuca is going down my top!”

  I explode in laughter, tears streaming from my eyes as I remove myself from on top of her. She’s right, her white vest top has a huge see through patch on her left boob and down to the bottom of her ribs.

  This makes me laugh harder and before I know it, I’m snorting and howling out loud.

  “Lottie,” laughs “your top,” laughs “IT’S COMPLETELY FUCKING SEE THROUGH!” I screech at the top of my lungs, finding my friends discomfort and exasperation highly amusing.

  I finally manage to calm my laughter, taking long deep breaths, only for Lottie to bash her fists in anger on an empty carboard box, her hand becoming stuck in a hole she makes and starting me off again.

  “I can’t breathe...I can’t breathe. This is fucking hilarious.” I somehow grate out, the pain in my sides making me grab hold of them, lie on my side and tuck my legs up. I can hear Lottie cursing, and try to rein in my giggles.

  My nostrils flare as I count to ten and take deep breaths again. This time it works and I’m able to sit up and apologise to my friend.

  Seeing the funny side, Lottie swigs some more sambuca before handing it to me. I follow suit and soon feel the tell tale signs of my drunken body.

  My lips become numb, I see two of everything and realise as we pass the bottle back and forth that my reactions have slowed immensely.

  I feel woozy and like I don’t have a care in the world, this feels utterly amazing!

  As much as today has been a cluster fuck of situations gone wrong, I wouldn’t change a thing. I haven’t had this much fun since before I met Dan, of course being with my babies fills my heart with joy, but being here, with my best friend getting up to all kinds of mischief, I feel free and joyous in a completely different way!

  “Do you think I’ll ever break free from Dan? Like truly free?” I whisper. Lottie’s head snaps over to me, an array of emotions passing over her face, before finally she looks at me in pity.

  “Honestly, I don’t know. I’d like to think you could get away and he would just let you be..” She says, before looking away without finishing speaking her thoughts aloud.

  “But?” My stomach drops, worrying over what she would have to say. I want to be free, free of my life, Dan and the crap he brings with him.

  “But,”she sighs, searching my eyes for a sign that I don’t want to hear what she has to
say. I nod, letting her know I need to hear this, I have put this conversation off for far too long and maybe being drunk will help me get through it all without breaking down.

  “But, I think part of you can’t let go. Like there is some deep set fear that he will leave and you will be left to struggle alone. That he will be out moving on and living up his life whilst you have to stay at home and hear about his escapades, worrying he will have another woman on his arm and you are the one left behind, forgotten and lonely...” Lottie looks quickly away from me, blushing profusely and clearly ashamed at saying that.

  She’s right though, I do feel like that.

  Of course I never wanted this life. If I could run far away and take my children I would, but to be alone and having to know he is out every night, probably sleeping around and maybe dating someone else hurts.

  I can’t stop those feelings, no matter how hard I try, he has never been a brilliant partner, but I still hold on to the man he was in the beginning, the man who cried when he screamed at me for the first time, telling me he understood if I wanted to leave him.

  Leaving that man hurts, the man I haven’t seen in years, not the monster he is now.

  The other part of me wants him gone, I am so torn it hurts, it’s agonising!

  The saying ‘Out of sight and out of mind’ could never be truer in these circumstances, that is exactly how I feel.

  If I was far, far away, I wouldn’t care, but that is not a possibility, never will be!

  I open my mouth to speak, but Lottie has more to say, she holds up her index finger, pausing for a beat before continuing, “Connie, I’m not saying you can’t let go, because I honestly believe if you didn’t have to face him, his friends and family or see reminders all over your facebook page, I know you could walk away. You are just scared to let go of all you have ever known since leaving home at eighteen and letting someone else have him, it’s just a small part of you that feels like this, but the feelings are so strong and you are so insecure from what that arsehole has done to you that you honestly believe your life won’t be worth living without him. I know you could easily let him go, but we both know that Dan may walk and give it all the ‘I’m single and loving it’ and stay away from you for a bit, but he will soon come back, all guns blazing and make your life hell. He would pursue you relentlessly, and not in a good way. The bloke would mess with the kids heads, and turn it on you, show up at places you have no choice but to go and guilt trip you over them, upsetting them and starting arguements. He would rub it in your face with what he’s doing now and that’s just the start hun. I hate to have to tell you this, but your best bet would be to change the children’s school, move and stay away from anything to do with Dan, just until you are strong enough to deal with the crap he thows at you and the kids without cracking and breaking under his pressure. I know you can do it, I just wish I could make it easy for you!”

  “Okay.” I hear myself say, sounding completely foreign to my ears.

  I sound hollow, sort of how I feel on the inside, just a shell.

  I’m unsure of how to approach what Lottie has just told me. I know she’s right, but wow. Is it that obvious how I feel?

  Does Dan see this and play on it all? I mean the man is a bully, and a woman beater, but is he that observant as to pick up how I feel behind the mask I place on my face. The mask of indifference.

  No wonder he uses emotional blackmail as well as the physical, playing on my insecurities to keep me believing my worth is so little, I’m no good to anybody.

  Lottie is observing me closely, watching and waiting for me to break. I won’t, no matter what is thrown at me, I won’t.

  I smile at her to let her know I’m okay.

  Although I am reeling at the information overload and trying to break it all down, compartmentalise it to come back to later, but in a strange way I am fine.

  I know my fate, and the best thing I can do is make sure my children are happy and try and sneak whatever ‘free’ time I can in to my life, seperating my world with Dan in it to my world of being alive and living.

  We both look at each, our eyes swimming with emotion and unspoken words, before uttering the one saying we hold dear to our hearts.

  It’s ours and ours alone, and whenever life becones too much, too hard and too painful to struggle on, we speak these few powerful words and it gives us the strength we need to keep surviving..

  “No matter how you feel. Get up, Dress up, Show up and most of all NEVER GIVE UP!”

  We smirk at the predictability of one another, knowing we both needed to hear our chant.

  Our eyes our doing the talking for us, mine letting her know I am fine but need to take away what she has said and think on it alone, hers showing me understanding.

  We are both totally silent, no words necessary to communicate with each other. We have had our heaviness and now it’s time for some fun.

  The bottle of sambuca sits half empty in an old Nike shoe box.

  We are both giggling and our conversation would in no way make any sense to anybody who could over hear us.

  I think I hear the whoosh of the lift doors opening in the distance, but I shrug it off when I don’t hear any voices and the gate remains silent.

  “So, Hunter? Oh my god, What a fine piece of arse he is! I would have cum in my knickers if he looked at me like he did you. Oh that man is soooo swoothy, sigh big time!” She places the back of her hand on her forehead, pretending to faint in an overly dramatic fashion.

  “Yeah, erm. What the hell is swoothy? But seriously, I. . don’t even know where to start. I mean, the man is hot, like off the charts hot, like I can’t even see straight when I’m in the same room as him hot.” I fan myself, mouth gaping as if I’m burning up at the mere thought of him.

  “Oooo, someone has it bad! Not that I can blame you, he is a god, I would happily bow down at his feet, maybe even lick his toes if he asked me too. Oh, and swooty, really? How can you not know, it’s swoon and worthy together, swoothy!” Lottie tells me, giggling when I cringe at the thought of her licking his toes.

  The cowbag knows toes are a complete turn off for me, I mean ew, look at them, like fingers but shrunken and ugly.

  Yuk!

  “Ohh Lots. He was like a dream, knowing the reality I face daily made it so hard just to look at him. As if I could ever have the kind of connection I felt with him, with anyone. Dan would probably murder me, but I’ll tell you this, I think I would happily deal with the consequences if I had one night of lurvin with that fine male specimen. Yum!” I smack my lips together, as if savoring a delicassy.

  I suppose Hunter is a delicassy, there is no way on earth a man like that would want bland Connie, when he could have anyone he wanted.

  “Do you think he’s big, or maybe he’s lacking downstairs. . Nahhh, a man that godly cannot have a small penis, that would just be cruel to any woman who fell for his good looks and charm. And you sweetheart, well you looked just about ready to strip him down and pounce on him at certain points that evening.”

  I gasp in outrage, “Er no I did not. I mean yes, of course I would love to test drive that, I mean who wouldn’t? But there was no way in hell did I look like some kind of dog in heat, I am far more reserved than that. I know to keep my distance. No point in torturing myself over something that, even if it could be, probably wouldn’t. I was just shocked at how brazen he was at times. Just taking charge like that. Of course he has sex appeal, but beyond that, he’s probably just a pretty face, smoking body and nothing else. If I was pre Dan, I probably would have flirted and then run away before it got too heavy. I’m a wimp and you know it.” Lottie guffaws, clearly not believing me.

  “Don’t give me that crap Connie. You like him, and if this was Pre Dan Connie, you would have flirted, given him your number and allowed him to chase the hell out of you and been a really cute couple when you finally succumbed to his charms!”

  Sighing, I look away for a second, noticing a human shaped shadow against the w
all to the side of the bin. I look to Lottie, wondering who the hell is down there listening to us.

  I point to it, hearing Lottie get up onto her knees and lean forward to get a better view.

  She gasps and jolts back, before a huge grin breaks out across her face.

  She’s up to something, this cannot be good.

  “So, as I was saying earlier. That threesome we were due to have with my friend from work. Are you in? She has amazing tits, I know you have a bit of a fetish for the bigger sized boobs, and let me tell you, they are amazing. I know you would love to get your mouth around her nipples, licking sucking and nipping at them. I have some hot new toys aswel we can play with.” Lottie says, louder than is needed with the biggest grin on her face, she is goading whoever is down there.

  If I wasn’t such a bag of nerves thinking it could be Dan, I would be in hysterics. She is ridiculous, but so funny at the same time.

  We hear a couple of male throats clear, followed by masculine voices cursing under their breath. I giggle, instanting relaxing when I don’t recognise Dan’s voice.

  We hear a couple a couple of clangs and feel the bin vibrate slightly, before a pair of the most amazing blues eyes pop over the side and lock on to my green ones.

  HOLY FUCK!

  There’s no way it’s him, surely?

  I’m short of breath, staring at this creature before me, not quite believing he’s really here.

  I give myself a sharp pinch, forcing a yelp from my mouth.

  The corner of his mouth turns up a bit, he knows I’m affected by him.

  I mean, who the bloody hell wouldn’t be?

  He is male perfection, my heart skips a bit when I notice the lust and desire swimming in the depths of his baby blues.

  “Huhumm,” He clears his throat, “So, is this a private party, or can anyone climb in to this bin with you and get drunk?” His eyebrow is raised in question, as his mouth breaks out in the most breathtaking grin.

  I suck in a sharp breath,

  “Are you real? Or am I hallucinating?” I utter in awe.

  Is Hunter really standing before me, in all his godliness?