TRAPPED: BREAKING FREE - BOOK 1 Page 3

  Her house is a new build terrace and the entire interior is shabby chic theme.

  The floor has been stripped back to the original floor boards, they have been sanded down and varnished giving them a polished natural look.

  There are old fashioned, distressed cream bird cages placed on three side tables of varying heights in one corner, and in the other there is a huge brown bean bag on the floor, with a plaque covered in scattered butterflies and the writing ‘Live, Laugh, Love,’ fastened to the wall above it.

  She has a television cabinet positioned between the corners, holding an enormous flat screen television.

  The cabinet is absolutely stunning, It’s solid wood with 3d butterflies scattered on the door, it has the same effect as the bird cages and plaques, all distressed and vintage.

  The walls are painted a neutral cream colour, with one feature wall that has been papered with silver sparkly butterflies, matching the furniture.

  Her corner sofa sits opposite, it is light brown, looks incredibly soft to the touch and sits at least eight people with ease.

  The girls settle almost immediately, sitting at the dining table with their lunch trays and juice boxes in front of them. They know the deal by now, finish their lunches, place their trays in the kitchen and all play with the toys in the play room once they are done.

  The girls are so good together, they are easy and will pretty much get on with whatever they are doing without any argument.

  As I walk, I feel out of sorts.

  Something is prickling at the back of my mind, demanding attention, but for the life of me I can’t work out what it could be. I put it down to the fear of being caught by Dan and make my way towards the middle of the sofa in the front room.

  Diane is seated to my left and Rhia to my right.

  The position has made me feel slightly claustrophobic.

  Nevertheless, I make the decision to keep my mouth shut, it’s not worth the added grief they will give me and the psycho analysing they will make me endure on top.

  I’m hoping Diane lets my jumpiness from earlier slide, I cannot awaken her protective tendencies.

  She tends to play the big sister role, being eleven years older than my twenty six years and four dress sizes bigger. She calls me her little doll, even though I am five foot ten in height, a whole five inches taller than her.

  If Diane knew half of the stuff Dan puts me through, she would be up on an assault charge at the very least.

  This is one of the reasons I need to keep my mouth shut, I cannot have her show Dan any hostility at all, or I will be on the receiving end if she does.

  “Come on then, spill. What’s got you so jumpy and desperate to keep us away from your house?” Diane pipes up at exactly the same time Rhia says, “We’re worried about you Connie, we can see something’s not right at home, please let us in! How are things with you and Dan?”

  I knew there was a bloody reason they sat either side of the sofa, I had no choice but to sit in between the pair of them.

  I feel like a caged animal, with no room to prowl.

  Scrap that, this feels an intervention of sorts.

  I need to control my breathing, I can feel a full blown anxiety attack brewing and I must calm down before they see how much their words are affecting me.

  Calm down Connie, just laugh it off girl, I tell myself.

  It’s a way to regulate my breathing and reverse the feelings of anxiety washing over me.

  The furry brown rug in the centre of the floor is like a welcome beacon, calling me over.

  I jump up from the sofa and position myself comfortably on it. One leg is tucked up beneath me and the other is with my foot on the floor and bent so my knee is at my chest level, giving me a barrier of sorts from my friends. I rest my chin on the knee of the raised leg, already feeling slightly more at ease now I have placed some distance between us.

  Doing this seems to marginally work. I can already feel my chest loosening, and the lump that had wedged itself in my throat seems to fade, allowing me to swallow and have some breathing space.

  My brain finally starts to clear and I feel ready to provide some bullshit answers to their questions and worries.

  “Girls don’t be silly, you know Dan and I have some issues, doesn’t every relationship?”

  I look between the pair of them, trying with effort to maintain eye contact so they don’t think I’m avoiding their scrutinising gazes.

  Rhia opens her mouth to speak, but Diane, being the more aggressive of the pair jumps in. “Err no girl, you do not get to play this off as everyday relationship problems.” She uses finger quotes when stating relationship problems. “I’ve seen how jumpy you are, and not just earlier when Rhia answered the door, I’m talking twenty four seven jumpy, if someone so much as places a hand on you, you practically drain of colour right in front of their eyes. You get shifty and look close to passing out. so.do.not.take.us.for.fools! Something is seriously wrong here, you looked ready to throw up when I mentioned going to yours instead!”

  Shit, shit, shit.

  This isn’t good, I knew they were perceptive, but I didn’t realise it was to this extent. Either that or I really am not holding it together in public.

  I do my best to think of an explanation, completely on the spot. “Oh Diane, please chick, I do not think either of you are fools. If i’m jumpy it’s because I’m caught off guard. You know how bad I get when I’m day dreaming, there is nothing to worry about, I promise you.“

  Diane simply looks at me as though she cannot believe the crap coming out of my mouth.

  She runs her hand through shoulder length mahogany locks and tuts under her breath before looking down at her black leather military style boots in resignation.

  She knows she is not going to get the answers she wants, and this isn’t sitting well with her.

  Rhia simply smiles at me sweetly, although I’m sure I detect a hint of malice in her usually kind blue eyes, over what though?

  The girl is the sweetest person you could ever meet, she is your typical girl next door cliché.

  I shrug it off, dismissing that thought immediately. I’m pretty sure she hasn’t got a bad bone in her body.

  I know the girls don’t believe me, but they also know there is not alot they can do about it.

  “Oh and girls, if your house looked like a tornado had swept through it, would you really want people coming to visit, or would you panic and try to get out of it? You really are a pair of old girls, you sound like my mum. It’s a good job I love you both and can give back as good as I get.”

  That puts a small smile on their lips, even if it doesn’t quite reach their eyes, they glance at each other and nod, looking completely resigned.

  I feel awful lying to them, but it’s not in any way possible for Diane to keep her mouth shut, she would see it as helping me, and speaking out on my behalf, when in reality she would give Dan the excuse he looks for to beat me to within an inch of my life, inside and out.

  “Who you calling old? You cheeky bitch. I’ll have you know I’m not a day over 21! These are stress lines on my face. Come out with us on Friday and I will show you who’s old on the dance floor, there isn’t an old girl out there who can grind like me, or pop and twerk her booty for that matter.” I flop to my side on the carpet in a fit of giggles.

  Diane always knows the right thing to say when a situation has gotten too heavy.

  The funny thing is, I think she’s completely serious with the twerking and grinding.

  Oh my god, I so want to see this.

  Diane isn’t exactly petite, she may be just below average height, but she more than makes up for it everywhere else.

  Her boobs are huge, I’m talking each boob is at least the size of my head, her booty is just that, a proper booty.

  I love her to bits, but she is a big woman for someone her height.

  She also happens to love the biker chick look, heavy black boots and leather jackets. It’s very rare for her to be
without some form of leather on her body.

  Rhia is trying, and obviously failing to hide her amusement, for she too breaks out laughing, even throwing in a few snorts where she is laughing so hard. This in turn makes me giggle more.

  Rhia is the shy quiet type, she is the opposite of Diane in every way.

  She’s tiny, five foot two, a size six, a short blonde bob and no boobs or booty at all.

  She gets asked to produce her ID wherever she goes from what the girls tell me.

  She also has the hippy look going for her, flower head bands and flowy long dresses. She loves the two finger ‘peace’ sign and you could always guarantee there will be some form of it on her clothing, be it pinned on or stitched.

  “Please try and come out on Friday, we are going to ‘Bar Uno’. It’s a laugh. Bring Lottie if that helps, and you can even stay at my house if Dan doesn’t want you coming in late. He does know you are out, doesn’t he?’ Rhia asks me, pleading me with her soft light blue eyes.

  She sure knows how to throw on the pressure. And what the bloody hell do I say about Dan knowing I’m out?

  I’m not even sure why she would ask that to begin with, but her is expression is one of hope at what I will say.

  Maybe I’m just on the defensive.

  “Girls it’s really hard right now, I can’t make any plans without talking to Dan. What if he has something booked and I let him down?“ I can tell by the fallen expressions on their faces, and Dianes grinding of the jaw that they are not buying my excuses.

  I try to think of a way I could actually sneak out, when an idea quite literally jumps in to my head. It’s a plan I have wanted to attempt for a while, but have never had the bottle to do it.

  “Okay listen, if you don’t mention to anyone I might be coming, and I mean anyone, I will speak to Dan and see if he will go on a boys night instead. I will have to ring my parents and ask them to have Lily and Alex for the weekend, that way Dan can have the rest of the weekend kid free and not have a hangover with two monsters jumping on him. I might even be able to swing it that he thinks I’m staying at my parents for the night as well, and I spend the Saturday night with him alone. That sound okay?“

  I take a deep breath, breathless after rushing to get it all out without being spoken over by the pair of them.

  Diane doesn’t look convinced at all, “Right. Ha, I don’t even know where to begin hun, I really don’t. So much of what you just said there is wrong. I tell you what though, I will let it all drop, even the reason why you have to get Dan to go out just so you can go out, if you come along on Friday. But girl, I’m telling you now, you will be getting drunk, you will be dancing and you will be explaining why the fuck you have to lie and sneak around so much just to get of the house for a few hours ..deal?!”

  Diane leans forward, arms braced on her knees and raises her eyebrows, daring me to object.

  “Okay, okay. I’ll explain all another time. I promise I will do my best for Friday but I can’t guarantee, so please don’t get your hopes up! You know what my luck is like. I love you girls anyway. You know that right?” I look up slightly to the pair of them, putting my best sad puppy dog eye expression on and I can tell by the huffs that it’s worked.

  Disaster averted, for now anyway.

  I just need to somehow convince Dan to have a lads night, make him think it’s his idea, get the kids looked after and not have a heart attack at being caught planning it all in the meantime.

  I feel physically sick, just making the plans in my head makes me feel ill. It’s kind of like I have a washing machine going round inside my stomach, and I’m starting to sweat at the idea of being found out.

  Calm the fuck down, you deserve a night out! You can do this, he won’t catch you.

  We talk and joke about anything and everything for the next few hours, putting the world to rights.

  The girls make some basic plans for Friday and tell me if I can come, I need to get to Rhia’s for eight pm. Effectively leaving them enough time to do my hair and make up, therefore ‘sex’in me up’ as Diane likes to put it.

  There is not a chance in hell of her getting her hands on me. I would be dressed, head to toe in leather looking like some kind of freaky dominatrix.

  I make the decision then and there, that if I do go, I will take a selection of my old pre Dan dresses, -short and girlyish- and let them choose one together, that should pacify them. Well, for a bit anyway.

  I’m already praying Dan doesn’t find out, before or after. I remind myself to hide a bit of extra money so he doesn’t get suspicious.

  What woman should have to hide money from her partner to be able to go out with her friends and buy herself a couple of drinks?

  Everything is so bloody hard. I mean, is it really too much to ask for that I have a partner who worships his kids and doesn’t beat me down at every turn?

  CHAPTER THREE.

  The afternoon passes me by, and before I know it, I have collected Alex and am at home putting the dinner in the oven for the three of them, totally ready to hit the sack.

  I am a complete bag of nerves. A knot has wedged itself in my stomach and no matter what I tell myself, I cannot dislodge it.

  I need to find a way to get Dan to think going out Friday is his idea, and some how get him to agree to the kids staying at my Mums without giving away that I have something to hide.

  The only logical option I can think of is to say my Mum has offered to have them so he can chill out after a hard week at work, if I falsely acknowledge his ‘hardwork,’ he may jump at the chance and not think too much into it. With regards to him going out, I have no idea!

  My life is never simple.

  I’m sat on our hand me down sofa with a purple throw placed over the top, and one of my babies under each arm. We are reading about Biff, Chip & Kipper, well, Alex is reading the story aloud to me and Lily.

  He is such a good boy, the first thing he does when he gets in from school is pull his school reading book from his book bag and ask me to listen to him read.

  The pair of them really are a credit to me. Yes they can scream, shout and throw a tantrum like any child their ages -when their Dad isn’t around anyway- but they are the most selfless, kind and well behaved children I have ever come across.

  We get through Alex’s book relatively quickly and I decide to head to the kitchen and grab a quick snack.

  The kids dinner may be cooking but I have avoided making myself anything.

  I learnt the hard way that Dan will only keep asking me to get things for him and my food will go cold.

  As if I would ever be allowed to sit down for five minutes to eat in peace, most women complain it is their children that ruin their meal, mine is interrupted by a twenty seven year old male. There would be endless ‘More drink Connie. ‘Ketchup Connie, and hurry my foods going cold’ You get the idea.

  I learnt a long time ago to eat when he wasn’t around or just pick snacky foods. It’s so much easier and relatively stress free.

  I walk through our dark and dingy front room, that is in desperate need of redecorating.

  It has a black faded out black carpet and purple painted walls with a few small holes in the plaster, and dirty handprints all over it.

  Our black leather sofa has rips and tears in it, and is covered with a purple faux fur throw to hide it all. Even my black curtains that sit behind my sofa have faded patches where the sun has bleached them.

  The only saving grace in this room is the solid oak cabinet, that sits opposite our sofa, holding our 42 inch cinema smart 3d television.

  Dan couldn’t care less about the state of disrepair the house is in, so long as he can watch his sports on a decent television. Of course, I have to pay for the sports channel out of the piddly allowance I get though. He’s such a selfish twat.

  As if being with Dan isn’t suffocating enough, I have to live in a house that I cannot afford to redecorate and is slowly starting to fall apart around my feet.

  It’s hugely
depressing

  Giving myself a kick up the backside, I drop all thoughts and make my way to the red and white themed kitchen. Our kitchen is an ‘L’ shape and quite frustrating with the lack of pine units throughout.

  Don’t get me wrong, it is one of the rooms that is kitted out properly, but by the time you take into consideration the fridge and cooker etc, plus the shape of the kitchen itself, it doesn’t leave much space to fit many cabinets.

  I stand in the centre of the room, and browse on top of the fridge for a snack that takes my fancy, although I don’t know why I bother sometimes. The only things I can see are kiddie size treats and boxes of cereal.

  I know it’s the kids who have eaten all of the decent treats, they wait until their Dad has gone out or is at work and raid the cupboards.

  It sounds awful, and I suppose it is, this is why I allow them to get away with murder when they are only with me.

  Dan usually refuses to let them eat anything that he deems ‘the adult stuff.’ They learnt pretty quickly to eat the smaller kids sized ones that were bought for their lunch boxes and the larger more filling ones for after school and at weekends.

  Most people wouldn’t understand this reasoning and assume Dan was correct in giving them foods that have generally been produced for children, but the thing they don’t understand is that they are allowed one a day, therefore, if they had one earlier in the day and were a bit peckish after dinner for instance, according to Dans ruling they couldn’t have another.

  If they have a bigger snack, they can also have one of their own as he doesn’t keep count of the ‘adult treats’.

  This is only due to him taking numerous things to work, plus he will sit in front of the television with a bottle of fizzy drink and a hoard of food, just sitting on his arse watching TV.

  So how can I blame them for eating it all? When it is basically their survival instincts kicking in at such a young age. If Dan starts becoming suspicious, I will of course, without a second thought take the blame. I would never put them in his firing line!